Tag Archives: women

Last Post – New Blog

22 Mar

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Hello to all of you beautiful people who have followed me from the start. I’m sure you have noticed the lack of posting in recent months, and I didn’t want to leave you all high and dry without the news of why that is.

I’ve started a new blog: christinakaylenhart.wordpress.com

I need to focus more on writing, and actually building more of an author site. Thank you for sharing this journey with me, and if you’d like to stay in touch, click the link above to follow my new blog.

Much love to all of you!

Why He Won’t Put a Ring on it and Why You Shouldn’t Let Him

12 May

Women often wonder why men aren’t ready for long term, committed relationships. We tend to think that men are immature or don’t want to settle down. We think that because it’s harder to face the truth; that he just doesn’t want to settle down with us. Unfortunately, this is more often the case than it isn’t.

We’ve heard it all before, if a man wants to see you, he will make it happen. Well if a man wants to marry you, he will make that happen too. If a man wants to spend the rest of his life with you he will let you know it, whether he proposes or not. If he isn’t “ready” for a long term committed relationship, it might mean several things. It might mean that he isn’t ready for one with anyone, maybe at his age, or where he is at that stage in his life. Maybe he isn’t secure enough in his financial state to start a family. Maybe he just got out of a long term committed relationship and isn’t ready, emotionally, to jump into another one (which is smart).

Maybe you aren’t making yourself seem like the long term kind. If you are high maintenance, controlling, possessive, psychotic or delusional, you need to realize certain behaviors and habits are not attractive or even acceptable for that matter. Most men won’t stand for it, let alone like it and want to commit to it. Most women wouldn’t want that in a partner either. Someone once told me to write down all of the traits you’d want in someone else, and then be those things. It sounded so simple, but I thought it was a genius approach to finding love. We all have certain characteristics we don’t like in ourselves, but core values should be simple. Honesty. Loyalty. Faith. Add whatever else you need in someone else…and then start being that.

It’s hard admitting our own faults, but it can be even harder facing the truth when you don’t want it to be so. Maybe, just maybe, you’re not the right woman for him. And in that case, he isn’t the right man for you, plain and simple. As women, we tend to get emotionally invested in a man almost immediately if we feel a connection. That connection might only be lust. It might only be friendship. It might only be the fact that you found someone, finally, to listen. Don’t let this mislead you into thinking that it’s special, or that he’s the one.

The truth is…when you find the man you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with, he will feel the same way. He will want to spend the rest of his life with you too and treat you like the goddess that you are. If you start putting pressure on a man, say to propose or to start a family, he might run or he might oblige. Personally, I think he should want it almost immediately. With true love, I think that’s the case. You should never have to ask for it. The wants and desires should be mutual between both people. But Beyoncé said it best: “if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it”. Whatever the reason may be, accept the fact that he doesn’t want to be with you and move on.

What it’s Like Being a Woman

28 Mar

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Since so many men have told me they’ve been reading my blog, I was shocked.  I’m surprised men read this stuff.  Maybe it’s to get a little insight into a woman’s mind?  Maybe they’re a little curious?  I figured I’d shed some light on what it’s like to be a woman.  Make you guys understand us a bit more. 

A typical day in the life of a typical woman:

We start the day off by cursing and throwing the alarm clock (IF we aren’t a morning person).  We roll out of bed looking like a monster (because we don’t wake up being as perfect and beautiful as we are when you see us, despite what Hollywood tells you).  We have coffee or tea, maybe a cigarette.  Get dressed and try to squeeze our jeans on. We then leave our house and proceed to get stared at and hit on all day long because men are just picturing us naked and thinking about having sex with us. 

That’s a typical day.  It gets annoying.  No, we don’t want to sleep with you.  Unless, of course, we do want to.  As a side note, we are probably just as horny and perverted as men are.  We just only talk about it with other women.  Some of us burp, fart, curse, smoke, drink and chill like men.  Maybe even more so than some men.  We aren’t as fragile as you think us to be.  We aren’t all damsels in distress.  Some of us might have a harder hit than you.  Not every girl fight involves pillows, hair pulling, and b*tch slaps.  Just because we have a vagina doesn’t mean we don’t have balls (figurative balls, of course).

But remember, all women are not your typical woman.  Please stop being a**holes in general, oh and buy us flowers and chocolate sometimes.  Or at least tell us you think about us. Daily. Just because we like that.  No matter what I tell you, you’ll probably never understand us.  But good luck!

“I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change!”

4 Mar

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My father used to say this often, whenever we discussed love or relationships.  He’d tell me that the majority of people do this.  They find someone that is almost everything they want and then tweak them until they’ve molded the person into who they want them to be.  He said what women loved most about him was the fact that they couldn’t change him.  He was right; it’s a challenge.  We all love a good challenge. 

What baffles me is this idea people have that they can change someone.  You might think you can change someone, but you really can’t.  You can’t change who someone is at the core level.  Maybe certain, small things can be changed or altered, but not who they are deep down inside.  I get certain characteristics from my father, the unwillingness to change or compromise perhaps being one of them.  If someone ever didn’t like something about me, I’d say then you don’t have to be with me.  It’s that simple.

If you don’t like the way a person behaves, don’t date them.  It’s not going to change unless they decide to change for themselves.  I’ve known so many people that have given up things they truly love to be with someone they think they love.  I always tell them the same thing; if he/she loved you, they wouldn’t ask you to stop doing something you love.  Whether it be a sport, wearing a certain clothing, a hobby, etc.  Why should you have to give something up in order to receive something?  This concept has never made sense to me. 

I say, hold on to things that you love, that’s what makes us who we are.  Without fulfilling ourselves we will never be truly happy, whether we are with someone or not.  You have to make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy.  You might be with someone you think you love, but if they want you to change or give something up, that’s not love.  That’s selfish.  Two people in a relationship should have separate hobbies and passions, they shouldn’t be joined at the hip. 

Before you give something up that makes you happy, ask yourself if that person is worth it.  Really, are they worth it?  Unless it’s a behavior you should change, I say don’t.  There are 7 billion people in this world.  Surely you can find one person who will let you be you.  Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.

The Spark

28 Feb

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We’ve all heard of it.  We all hope for it.  We all love it.  We need it.  We live for it.  That little old thing called “the spark”.  You only feel it with the right guys, right?  Wrong!  I’ve come to conclusion that “the spark” is mostly only felt with the wrong guys.  I’ve felt it with (extremely hot) guys who were such a**holes that I used “the spark” as a means to forgive them every time they did something wrong (which was often).  This led to a lot of heart ache, sadness, wasted time and regrets.  I convinced myself that the guy must be right for me because I got that…that feeling…when I was with them.  What is that feeling, then?  I think it’s just called lust.  And we lust after the wrong guys way too often.  Good guys know it.  They hate it. Good guys always ask me “why? Why do girls love a**holes so much?”  I just can’t explain it adequately enough.  But I can try. 

I heard a saying once…chase the guys that want you, not the guys you want. This makes sense to me.  It makes perfect sense.  But I just can’t bring myself to follow through with it.  I want the guys that I want, not the ones that want me.  The guys that want me are left in the dust because I’m busy wasting my times on the ones that are treating me like sh*t.  “The spark” is a crutch we use, I think.  I think we use it as an excuse to make it okay to date a**holes.  Why do we love a**holes so much? I will never figure it out.  I saw Perks of Being a Wallflower recently (by American novelist Stephen Chbosky), and he says “we accept the love we think we deserve”.  It’s unfortunate how true this is. 

Most of the “hot” girls you know have pretty low self-esteem at the end of the day.  Everyone has insecurities.  Everyone feels certain ways about themselves and we like people that make us feel the way we already feel about ourselves.  Worthless, maybe?  Pathetic?  Sad?  We put ourselves in situations that make us achieve certain feelings/thoughts.  It’s sad.  It’s depressing.  But I think it’s true.  In a way we do it without knowing, until we realize we are doing it.  Then we do it knowingly.  We can try to change, but it’s hard.  There’s that old “spark” thing that makes us feel like that’s what we are chasing.  Everyone is chasing it.  Maybe you can feel it with the right people.  I’ve seen it before.  I have felt it.  We justify putting up with bullsh*t for “the spark”.  That doesn’t make it right. 

In “He’s Just Not That Into You”, Justin Long’s character, Alex, goes on a rant about “the spark”:

“Guys invented the “spark” so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they’re throwing at you is actually, just a “spark”. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.”

When I first heard this, I almost sh*t my pants because of how true it might be.  It made me start to hate “the spark”, but that could never happen; I love it too much…

Just remember kids, if you play with fire, you’re most likely going to get burned.  Or as my friend says, being swept off your feet usually leaves you on your ass. 

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

28 Feb

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So I was watching another true crime show…(I know, I know, not another one!) and it got me thinking.  It was called “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” and it was several different stories about non-traditional ways women have left their men. 

One story was about a stripper who stabbed the woman her husband was cheating on her with, with an ice pick (after she stabbed her husband in the face with a pair of scissors!).  Did I mention the woman she stabbed was pregnant…? With her husband’s child!?  I know it’s hard to keep up, but the woman was asked to carry a child for the married couple because the wife couldn’t have children anymore.  It was a sticky situation.  Needless to say, it ended badly. 

Another story was about a man who was cheating on his wife and had four other girlfriends.  They all found out about each other.  One woman asked the man to meet her in a hotel room, and when he got there, she tied him to the bedpost and blindfolded him after he stripped down.  Lying in bed in his boxers, blindfolded, he was aroused and excited.  Unfortunately for him, the other women all came into the room and they put him on blast and basically b*tched at him for being such a snake.  Before they left, one woman glued his penis to his stomach.  That’s one way to teach a man a lesson, I guess.  Ouch!  How embarrassing!  He was taken to the hospital where Doctor’s removed his…err..member from his stomach.  He left with a little more than a bruised ego; he claimed erectile dysfunction after the incident. 

These stories got me to thinking…maybe I’ve been a little too nice all these years.  Ever notice how men call us “psychotic”, “irrational”, “bat sh*t crazy”, after we break up?  I think I’ve been pretty damn normal this whole time.  But they always refer to us as “my crazy ex-girlfriend….”

Okay, so maybe we are a little crazy.  But those stories made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself.  Sure, maybe I’ve thought about stabbing an ex-lover in the leg, but I’ve never actually done it.  Maybe I’ve cursed off a few men, but I’ve never killed someone, or rammed my car into theirs because they were trying to leave me.  I’ve never stabbed someone in the face with a pair of scissors.  So call me crazy, but I think they could have gotten off a hell of a lot worse. 

The moral of the story:

Men, maybe you should stop throwing the word “crazy” around so carelessly.  One day, you might wind up with a woman who actually is crazy.  (And no, that’s not a threat.)

::Side note: No men were harmed in the construction of this blog post::

Knowing When to Shut the F$%! Up

21 Feb

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Got a bad case of the foot-in-mouth syndrome?  Don’t know when to stop running your mouth?   Or do you just know a million people like this?  Because I do. 

I work with all women, aged anywhere from 20-70 years old.  Working in this type of environment I assumed would be better than working somewhere where I’d be surrounded by a bunch of young, gossipy girls.  I was wrong.  So many women have come and gone from this place, and I have learned a hard truth about women that I hate to admit.  Some women never grow up.  They never stop gossiping.  It’s this sh*t that gives good women everywhere a bad reputation.  

I think we’ve all heard (or been told) that we “love drama”.  As much as I dispute this claim, I can’t anymore.  Because I’ve learned that most women do.  Some women can turn the smallest incident into a huge outlandish ordeal that everyone needs to hear about.  On behalf of chill people everywhere, shut the f@$! up! Please be quiet!  I can’t take it anymore!

Is there a vaccination for this sort of thing?  If not, can I please get together with a select team of doctors and scientists that specialize in different fields and try to invent it?  I’ve actually met women that are so outrageous when it comes to gossiping and thriving on drama and “stirring the pot” that I’ve wondered if their name was even true.  I wondered if my name was my real name!  My head spins thinking about women like this. 

I mean sure, yes, we all have drama in our lives, whether we want to or not.  Sh*t happens.  That’s a part of life.  But searching for it under couch cushions and shopping for it in the supermarket is just absurd.  At some point, every 14 year old girl is supposed to stop, realize she is being silly and dramatic and grow up.  I thought older women were wiser, more mature, and far gone from this stage in their lives, but the truth?  I’ve witnessed that it’s not always the case. 

I have met some very wise women, at all ages.  I’ve met remarkable women who had a lot of interesting things to say.  Hell, I’ve met 16 year olds that were more smart and mature than some 50 year olds I’ve known.  It dawned on me that this whole “with age comes wisdom” thing is not always true.  I hope it will be for me.  But like I’ve said before and I’ll say it again.  Some people never change, but I believe that it is possible.

Life is all about choices.  Choose to change.  Choose to only talk about positive things.  We all complain sometimes, venting to a friend is normal and completely acceptable.  Making things up, lying compulsively, talking sh*t, and being petty is not acceptable.  Sorry. 

Grow up already.  And on behalf of men everywhere who can’t stand the sound of our voices because of women like you who all you do is b*tch about things, and on behalf of smart women everywhere that have more to talk about than other people, shut the f#$% up!!!