Tag Archives: toilet dreams

Men Who Take Sh*ts like It’s An Experience.

23 Dec

To start off with this one, I want to just say that it’s probably a little outrageous and disturbing. But I can’t seem to get over the fact that when a man goes to take a sh*t, he sits in there for 30 minutes to an hour. What is this phenomenon? I have a theory. Or, several…

One. They’re pondering all of life’s mysteries, and sitting on the toilet helps them feel at ease with all of the stress and anxiety of the unknown. The closed door in the bathroom seems to close out all of their problems for that single experience. If he’s in there for two hours, he’s probably a really deep person.

Two. Maybe they have a nagging girlfriend or wife, and this is their ONLY alone time. Literally. If she doesn’t come in and ask him if he took out the garbage yet.

Three. Maybe they seriously are having a party in there.

Four. I’ve heard that taking a sh*t is the next best thing to having an orgasm. I don’t know why these two things are even compared or contrasted in a single statement because it feels dirty and wrong. I assure you, I didn’t make it up and I almost feel I should backspace and delete this one but it’s too late because admit it, it’s a little funny, even though it’s absolutely awkward to talk about and/or read for that matter. Did I just take it too far?

Five. Maybe, just maybe, they ran out of toilet paper. And they’re considering that old mantra ‘be a man, use your hand’, but there is a chance this may affect their self-worth in some way. And men are proud. They’d never tell us if they did…right?

Six. It’s a commitment, damn it! You said he never commits to ANYTHING!

*No men were harmed or tested in the making of this blog post. Toilet dreams are real. It’s happening. My apologies if I’ve offended anyone.