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Happy Valentine’s Day to the Lovers & the Loners

15 Feb

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovers and the loners out there. To those who have someone and those who don’t.

For anyone who didn’t have someone to kiss today, or someone’s hand to hold, it’s alright. Neither did I. But life is not necessarily about needing someone else. It’s about being with someone who makes you whole. Someone who makes you better. So just because you’re not with that person today doesn’t mean you won’t ever find them.

I heard a lyric once that really stuck with me:

‘They say love is a trap door that you really can’t look for’

(It’s a song by Dia Frampton (half of Meg & Dia) called Love Can Come From Anywhere. She did an exceptionally amazing rendition of ‘Heartless’ by Kanye West too. She was playing piano and singing. Three words: Look it up.)

Anyway, those lyrics stuck with me for a few reasons. For starters, it’s unbelievably accurate. Love can come out of nowhere. One moment, you’re walking down the street and the next moment, time stops. It sounds cheesy, but yes, it does happen like that sometimes. And there are a few things you need to know to be prepared when it happens. If you come across someone who stops you dead in your tracks and you look at each other, feeling as if you know each other, or want to know each other, then it’s a sign. Seize it. Because just as fast as it can come, it can disappear, leaving you wondering ‘what if I had…’ 

Another reason those lyrics hit me so hard is because I see so many people, searching for love, and through any and all mediums. Bars. Internet sites. Everything. While I’m not knocking those approaches to finding love, I think love is something you really can’t go on a mission to find. It’s just one of those things you have to be open and ready for, for it to find you.

Sorry if this post is a little corny. I’m going to end it by saying I think adults are all just little kids that grew up. As I get older, I realize this is at least the way it should be. Keeping a child-like spirit alive in your heart is what keeps us young. It’s what keeps us open to receiving certain signs. If you lose your innocent, honest perspective of the world around you, you miss a lot of things.

My father has passed a lot of wisdom down to me over the years. I was complaining of getting older, and he told me two things I’d never forget:

1. Getting older sucks, sure, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.

2. Don’t look at a birthday and getting a year older as something you dread, look at it like you survived another year. It’s something to celebrate.

I took these two pieces of advice and mixed them with my own interpretations of getting older, but keeping my fresh outlook on life similar to a child’s. I have a license to drive. I can eat ice cream for dinner if I want. Sh#t, I can do whatever I want in life! And that’s pretty damn cool.

I used to go back and forth, from having a negative outlook on life and then back to a positive one. It’s easy to continue thinking negatively once you start. But it’s a hell of a lot easier being optimistic. Especially when you realize you don’t have much to complain about, because the only one you can blame for having a sh#tty life, is yourself.

So cheers to being an adult in a (somewhat) adult body. And to people still thinking I’m seventeen because I’m so darn little. Thanks, genetics.

Let’s eat some f#%$ing cupcakes already!

Are We Becoming the Men We Wanted to Marry?

19 Oct

Are We Becoming the Men We Wanted to Marry photo 1 blog.poprevolver.com

Are We Becoming the Men We Wanted to Marry?

By  · On October 16, 2013

Gloria Steinem, a writer, lecturer, editor, and feminist activist, said in the 1970’s that “Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry”.  She also said “It’s impossible for women to have it all, if they have to do it all”.

We can take notes from Gloria, who led radical changes in the women’s movement among others.  While men were often thought of as superior, women like her (and me) believe that women should be thought of as equals instead of an inferior gender who is less likely and able to do it all.

Today more than ever, we have more freedoms.  We have the freedom of choice and expression.  We’re able to go to school to get a master’s degree and land a position of high power and status.

There are more stay at home dads today than ever before, with women as the main breadwinner in the household.  Four in ten households today with children under the age of 18 have a mother  who is the sole or primary breadwinner. This has quadrupled since 1960.

It has become widely accepted and expected for both married and single women to join the work force.  With all these triumphs in the face of doubt years ago, there is cause to celebrate.  As women, we should expect the most from ourselves.  We should live up to our potential and embrace the freedoms of today while reaching for our dreams and striving to be the most amazing women we can be.

So…are we becoming the men we wanted to marry?  Hell yes!  And it’s something to be proud of.  Be ambitious and strong.  Know you can have it all if you want it.  The days of thinking we’d be lonely and useless if we’re not a housewife are over.  Other things have changed as well.  Speaking of housewives, celebrity Vicki Gunvalson from the Real Housewives of Orange County has recently split from her husband, who is now after her for spousal support.  It just shows even further how much things have changed.

Protect yourself with a prenup, whether or not you’re successful before you say ‘I do’.  It will only protect you in the future if you do end up making more money than your husband.

The bottom line is that you are more than just a potential wife or mother.  You’re a woman.  Take charge of your life and your relationships.  We have the freedom to get married and get divorced.  Society no longer holds us hostage in terms of career and family.  Find a partner who is willing to share the household work.  You can have it all!  As long as you don’t have to do it all.

http://astoriawoman.com/love-sex/are-we-becoming-the-men-we-wanted-to-marry/

It’s Not Me, It’s You

19 Oct

Its Not Me Its You photo 1 www.hercampus.com

It’s Not Me, It’s You

By  · On October 17, 2013

Lily Allen had it right when she titled her second album ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’. She was onto something here. How come it’s easier to use a cliché line when you break up with someone? Shifting blame onto yourself in explaining the reason you’re done is not cool. Don’t say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ if what you really mean is…it’s you!

I think one of the reasons people do this is to avoid hurting the other person by telling them the truth. By copping out, and using ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, it’s just not fair. Not only is it not fair to you, it’s not fair to him. If he has certain behaviors that are…err…less than attractive or manageable, you should tell him so he doesn’t ruin his next relationship by repeating the same patterns.

How about this one: ‘I’m just not ready for a serious relationship’, AKA, I just don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you. Why don’t you just say what you really mean and give him reasons why you feel this way? It might hurt worse, but at least you’re giving him the respect he deserves.

Or what about ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’? This one may be cliché but sometimes it’s also true. The translation however, is that you’re just not sexually attracted to him. Tell him you think you’re better off as friends for this reason. But, in this case, telling someone you have no desire to sleep with them can be pretty upsetting, so I understand why you’d be tempted to use the cliché. Instead, maybe tell him you just lost the spark somewhere and let him down gently.

Either way, using cliché break up lines can be hurtful. If you’ve ever had one used on you, you’re left with a million questions in your head as to why he really broke up with you. Don’t do that to someone else. Honesty is always the best policy, no matter how devastating it can be. It’s better than never knowing at all, especially if he has strong feelings for you.

http://astoriawoman.com/love-sex/its-not-me-its-you/

Are We Becoming the Men We Wanted to Marry?

17 Oct

Are We Becoming the Men We Wanted to Marry?

By  · On October 16, 2013

Gloria Steinem, a writer, lecturer, editor, and feminist activist, said in the 1970’s that “Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry”.  She also said “It’s impossible for women to have it all, if they have to do it all”.

We can take notes from Gloria, who led radical changes in the women’s movement among others.  While men were often thought of as superior, women like her (and me) believe that women should be thought of as equals instead of an inferior gender who is less likely and able to do it all.

Today more than ever, we have more freedoms.  We have the freedom of choice and expression.  We’re able to go to school to get a master’s degree and land a position of high power and status.

There are more stay at home dads today than ever before, with women as the main breadwinner in the household.  Four in ten households today with children under the age of 18 have a mother  who is the sole or primary breadwinner. This has quadrupled since 1960.

It has become widely accepted and expected for both married and single women to join the work force.  With all these triumphs in the face of doubt years ago, there is cause to celebrate.  As women, we should expect the most from ourselves.  We should live up to our potential and embrace the freedoms of today while reaching for our dreams and striving to be the most amazing women we can be.

So…are we becoming the men we wanted to marry?  Hell yes!  And it’s something to be proud of.  Be ambitious and strong.  Know you can have it all if you want it.  The days of thinking we’d be lonely and useless if we’re not a housewife are over.  Other things have changed as well.  Speaking of housewives, celebrity Vicki Gunvalson from the Real Housewives of Orange County has recently split from her husband, who is now after her for spousal support.  It just shows even further how much things have changed.

Protect yourself with a prenup, whether or not you’re successful before you say ‘I do’.  It will only protect you in the future if you do end up making more money than your husband.

The bottom line is that you are more than just a potential wife or mother.  You’re a woman.  Take charge of your life and your relationships.  We have the freedom to get married and get divorced.  Society no longer holds us hostage in terms of career and family.  Find a partner who is willing to share the household work.  You can have it all!  As long as you don’t have to do it all.

http://astoriawoman.com/love-sex/are-we-becoming-the-men-we-wanted-to-marry/

Top 40 Sayings for the Love Quote Junkie!

16 Oct

Love Quotes photo 1 background-pictures.feedio.net

Top 40 Sayings for the Love Quote Junkie!

By  · On October 15, 2013

Are you a hopeless romantic with a small obsession with classic love quotes? We’ve rounded up a few to satisfy all your cute love quote needs. Read on to find out which ones made the list!

  1. “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” James Baldwin
  2. “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” Bob Marley
  3. “I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” F. Scott Fitzgerald
  4. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Steven Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  5. “Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another.” —Emma by Jane Austen
  6. “I didn’t come here to tell you I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to.”Rumor Has It
  7. “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe
  8. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss.
  9. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Ali MacGraw, Love Story
  10. “Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” Notting Hill
  11. “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” Dirty Dancing
  12. “Life is messy. Love is messier.” Catch and Release
  13. “When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.” Albert Einstein
  14. “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” T. Tolis
  15. “The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that.” Woody Allen
  16. “If I know what love is, it is because of you.” Herman Hesse
  17. “Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime.” Bette Davis
  18. “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” Paulo Coelho
  19. “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” Ingrid Bergman
  20. “Better to have lost and loved than never to have loved at all.” Hemingway
  21. “You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” Oscar Wilde
  22. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” Charles Schulz
  23. “Where there is love there is life.” Mahatma Gandhi
  24. “No girl should forget that she doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her.” Marilyn Monroe
  25. “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” Katharine Hepburn
  26. “Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” Victoria Holt
  27. “Love is the hardest habit to break and the most difficult to satisfy.” Drew Barrymore
  28. “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” Elizabeth Taylor
  29. “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things could fall together.” Marilyn Monroe
  30. “The longer you’re with the wrong person, you could be completely overlooking the chance to meet the right person.” Taylor Swift
  31. “If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.” Frank Ocean
  32. “Men should be like Kleenex…soft, strong, disposable.” Cher
  33. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” Albert Einstein
  34. “A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” Brendan Francis
  35. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” Lucille Ball
  36. “Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.” Loretta Young
  37. “Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.” John Lennon
  38. “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” Henry David Thoreau
  39. “The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” Rumi
  40. “In the flush of love’s light we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and all we will ever be. Yet, it is only love which sets us free.” Maya Angelou

So there you have it, folks! The top 40 quotes for the love junkie in you.

http://astoriawoman.com/love-sex/top-40-sayings-for-the-love-quote-junkie/

Picking Up the Pieces After a Relationship Ends

15 Oct

Picking up the pieces after a relationship ends www.zedge.net

Picking Up the Pieces After a Relationship Ends

By  · On September 5, 2013

When a relationship ends, or fails, you’re often left with yourself trying to pick up the pieces and pull yourself back together.  When a relationship ends, we go through a sort of mourning process.  It’s a sort of death.  One part of our life is now gone while a new journey begins.  But in the midst of our despair, it’s hard to see any positivity or potential for a brighter future.

Some people manage better after the end of a relationship while others turn to destructive behaviors.  Make sure you keep yourself healthy after a break up.  Exercise, eat right and try to stay positive.  Don’t listen to that evil little voice in your head that’s telling you you’re going to be alone and single forever.  Don’t listen to that little voice that’s going to tell you you’ll never find anyone better.

If a relationship ends, it’s for a reason.  You need to have faith that it just wasn’t meant to be.  You can still have those fond memories of when things were good, but don’t forget the bad ones.  Don’t forget the reasons why it ended in the first place.

You need to stay strong and focus on yourself.  Always remember that you are the most important piece of your life and no one can take that away from you.  No one can take everything that you are.  And if you find that you’ve lost parts of yourself in a relationship, take this time to find them again.  Remember who you once were but also who you’ve grown to be.

Life is constantly changing and so are we.  We grow and it’s a continual learning process.  Don’t feel less than you are and don’t feel like you’re worthless.  These elements can be crippling, but during this time you have to pick up the pieces and pull yourself together.  You can choose to turn it into a positive experience.  Walk away from it with dignity and the fact that you’ve learned throughout it.

http://astoriawoman.com/love-sex/picking-up-the-pieces-after-a-relationship-ends/

Does Your Belief in Destiny Affect Your Choices in Love?

15 Oct

Does Your Belief in Destiny Affect Your Choices in Love?

By  · On September 26, 2013

Destiny, serendipity, fate…do they exist? Do you think it’s something you firmly believe in or is it something you use for an excuse? While using these words in describing your relationship, ‘we were destined to meet’, ‘it was fate that brought us together’, you may just miss out on other opportunities because of your firm belief in this.

I believe in destiny, I believe in fate. I believe we meet people for a reason. But I also believe we are meant to learn from them, that we are meant to learn lessons through them and them through us. While being with someone may have been destined for that certain time in your life, was it destined to last forever? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. While fate may have brought the two of you together, compatibility, communication and trust keep you with each other. If you don’t have that, you can’t hold fate solely accountable. There are other aspects to a relationship besides the destined encounter that brought you together in the first place.

Don’t stay with someone because you’re holding onto this firm belief in destiny and fate. Ralph Waldo Emerson said “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be”. Destiny is not completely determined for you, it is also a choice. We have free will. One thing I can’t stand is these people who sit around and claim that ‘whatever is meant to happen, will happen’. That may be true, but it’s only true if you try. It takes a certain amount of effort to control your future. Nothing is going to just fall into your lap. Except, maybe love.

So ask yourself if your belief in destiny is affecting your choices in love. Are you using that as a sign that he’s ‘the one’ even if in your heart you don’t believe he’s right for you? If you believe our fate is predetermined for us, do you believe that our future is out of our control? These are things you need to ask yourself. Don’t stay with the wrong guy because you’re holding onto this notion of fate and destiny. Remember, we have free will. And reality also interferes. Sometimes, things just don’t work out. And it’s not destiny’s fault. It’s human nature. Love andloss are a big part of life. Don’t be afraid you’ll never find love again, because just as destiny knocked on your door before, it will again.

 http://astoriawoman.com/love-sex/does-your-belief-in-destiny-affect-your-choices-in-love/