Why the Past isn’t Something to Regret

11 Feb

 

I’ve strayed off the topic of love and relationships for a while. One reason being that I found myself pretty loveless for a while, or at least jaded. I wanted so desperately to believe I had found my soul mate and everything I was missing in life had been discovered. Wrong.

But I did discover a few things. You can find love in life, just as quickly as you can lose it. You can meet someone to turn your entire world into something completely different than what it was. It can be moving, changing, unexplainable. It can make you happier than you ever remember feeling before.

And when it disappears, it can leave you almost even worse than you were before. But was I miserable before? No. Well, maybe. But I was more miserable with the fact that I was torn in two different directions of where my life could possibly go.

Now let me bring up the topic of destiny once again. Yes, I believe everything happens for a reason. And something confirmed my belief in it again today.

I walk my dog every day. Every day.

 

Image

(Me and Pudgy)

As you can see, she’s a (drop dead gorgeous) Siberian husky. She has more energy than I do, surprisingly, and if I don’t walk her every day, I think she’d go a little bit insane. Now, to walk her, I put her on a harness. One reason for this is she will pull me to death if I have her on a regular leash. Another reason is I don’t want to choke the poor girl. The harness is a win-win situation. She can’t pull, and I can’t choke her on accident.

Today, I got dressed with my endless amounts of layers and prepared for the walk. I had my gloves, my scarf, and my hat already on, but for some nagging reason I decided I should change my sweatshirt. So I went upstairs and changed in a matter of a few minutes, and when I came back down, the harness was off of her, on the ground. A piece of it, by the loop where I attach the leash, had ripped in half.

Now, it may seem insignificant, but if I had walked her at the moment I was about to, the harness would have torn outside and she would have gotten God knows how far. I live on a pretty busy street. She could have been hit by a car, or ran straight to Main Street which is even more dangerous. It could have ripped during our thirty minute walk today, or yesterday, or the day before. But it happened today; while she was safe inside.

It confirmed my belief in destiny for a few reasons. One is if I hadn’t had the gut feeling to change my sweatshirt, it would have torn outside and who the hell knows what would have happened. Two- I happened to have a sewing machine to fix it. Three- that little old time in my life where I was (maybe somewhat) miserable, was when I was deciding whether I should pursue fashion design or writing.

It all comes down to this: our past choices lead us to who/where we are today. Even though I decided to pursue writing, my true love, over fashion design, having the skills I acquired in sewing have helped me help a lot of people. It has given me great joy in my life to make collections and show them in fashion shows. I still love designing and sewing. If I never pursued fashion design, I wouldn’t have had a sewing machine today to fix my dog’s harness.

But for me, it was easier to take that route then to admit my true passion, which is writing. When I finally decided to grow some balls and go after what I wanted in life, everything changed. Sure, I had self-published a few books here and there, but I didn’t really commit to writing 100% like I have now.

I realized that in order to make my dreams come true, I had to have the courage to admit what my real dreams were. I had to face the fact that people have told me it’s nearly impossible to make a living as a writer, and they were going to tell me it again, possibly forever. But you know what I tell them? People think everything is impossible. And it is, of course, if you don’t ever try to achieve it.

I don’t think the past is anything to regret. Sure, we’ve all made f#%&ing mistakes. Some may have been pretty bad, or embarrassing. Some may make us cringe every time we think about them. But our past choices lead us to where we are today. And you realize, maybe it wasn’t such a f%^kup after all. Maybe it all happened for a reason.

So I may have lost love, a few times, and I may still be learning how to love myself, but today- I’m going to love what I do. And that makes all the difference. 

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