Milkshakes & Rejection Letters

6 Feb

 

Do you ever think of something you wonder if you should go back to? Like salads? Or that ex you swore you never wanted to see again? An old sport you used to play? An embarrassing-to-admit-you-watch TV show?

Things that made us happy in the past can show up in our memories and our minds like old photographs. Feelings we remember having during them come alive and make us remember why we ever liked it to begin with.

A few things are making me ponder this. One, I recently saw my ex (AKA the love of my life as I like/hate to think of him), who was sweet enough to pull off a grand gesture in my eyes. I hadn’t seen him in oh, say, MONTHS. But he unexpectedly showed up at my job the other day because he said he had something serious to give to me. I said what is it, herpes? Anyway, he showed up with a cookies & cream milkshake (cookies & cream being one of my all-time favorite candy bars). It brought back not only old feelings and emotions, but ones that had never gone away in the first place, and ones that I fear might never go away.

The problem here is that I don’t know if we’re going to be together again. If he wants to be with me, or if I…no, of course I want to be with him. But I don’t know if it will ever happen or if it even should happen at this point.

Because at a certain point after you break up, or kick an old habit, life goes on. People go on. We need to remember the things that make us happy, and do/watch/eat/drink/play all of them. Insert any verb you want here. That’s what life is about: being happy.

Another little something making me question this is the fact that I’ve been trying to get an agent for a fantasy novel I wrote. The rejections were piling up, until an angel in the form of an intern requested the full manuscript. That was over three months ago. :Insert silence here: …Well?? Did they read it?! Did they hate it?! Did they love it!? Neutral?? Was it good enough? Did I edit enough? Did I do this and that? I don’t know what would be scarier: getting rejected or accepted. See, I’ve become almost comfortable with the rejections. I had a dream that I got “the call”, and fell down to my knees crying because this was what I had been waiting for my whole life. The ultimate satisfaction of someone saying, “you are good enough to do this”.

I’ve been writing the sequel, despite the rejections, but I found myself stuck recently. I was unable to sit down and write any further. Until I remembered- writing is what I love to do. The rejections are beside the point. They’re just a part of the journey. The best, and most important part, of being a writer…is actually writing something you love. Something you believe in. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t believe in it just yet, because if you write the story you were meant to write, the rest follows. Someone is bound to believe in it. And when you find the one agent who does, you’ll be glad you never gave up.

So live on. Be happy. Be free. And most importantly, do what you love. The rest will come.

Side note: Today is my little brother’s birthday. So I don’t know about you, but he’s feeling 22. Happy birthday Tyler Christian Hart! I even went so far as to call him Tyler Swift. Now if I could only transport all my love for him into a bubble and pop it over his head, I think he’d have a great day. I’m happy he was born. Today is one of my favorite days of the year. But birthdays are like assholes, everyone’s got one, right? 

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2 Responses to “Milkshakes & Rejection Letters”

  1. andy1076 February 6, 2014 at 6:43 pm #

    oof, I try to avoid going back to past relationships, mainly because they failed for a reason and that going back to them probably wouldn’t make any difference. 😦

  2. TheDisfigured February 6, 2014 at 8:52 pm #

    Never wait for validation that you are good enough to do anything.

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