“I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change!”

4 Mar


My father used to say this often, whenever we discussed love or relationships.  He’d tell me that the majority of people do this.  They find someone that is almost everything they want and then tweak them until they’ve molded the person into who they want them to be.  He said what women loved most about him was the fact that they couldn’t change him.  He was right; it’s a challenge.  We all love a good challenge. 

What baffles me is this idea people have that they can change someone.  You might think you can change someone, but you really can’t.  You can’t change who someone is at the core level.  Maybe certain, small things can be changed or altered, but not who they are deep down inside.  I get certain characteristics from my father, the unwillingness to change or compromise perhaps being one of them.  If someone ever didn’t like something about me, I’d say then you don’t have to be with me.  It’s that simple.

If you don’t like the way a person behaves, don’t date them.  It’s not going to change unless they decide to change for themselves.  I’ve known so many people that have given up things they truly love to be with someone they think they love.  I always tell them the same thing; if he/she loved you, they wouldn’t ask you to stop doing something you love.  Whether it be a sport, wearing a certain clothing, a hobby, etc.  Why should you have to give something up in order to receive something?  This concept has never made sense to me. 

I say, hold on to things that you love, that’s what makes us who we are.  Without fulfilling ourselves we will never be truly happy, whether we are with someone or not.  You have to make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy.  You might be with someone you think you love, but if they want you to change or give something up, that’s not love.  That’s selfish.  Two people in a relationship should have separate hobbies and passions, they shouldn’t be joined at the hip. 

Before you give something up that makes you happy, ask yourself if that person is worth it.  Really, are they worth it?  Unless it’s a behavior you should change, I say don’t.  There are 7 billion people in this world.  Surely you can find one person who will let you be you.  Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.


One Response to ““I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change!””

  1. TheDisfigured March 14, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

    Godamn right. Well said.

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