The Spark

28 Feb

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We’ve all heard of it.  We all hope for it.  We all love it.  We need it.  We live for it.  That little old thing called “the spark”.  You only feel it with the right guys, right?  Wrong!  I’ve come to conclusion that “the spark” is mostly only felt with the wrong guys.  I’ve felt it with (extremely hot) guys who were such a**holes that I used “the spark” as a means to forgive them every time they did something wrong (which was often).  This led to a lot of heart ache, sadness, wasted time and regrets.  I convinced myself that the guy must be right for me because I got that…that feeling…when I was with them.  What is that feeling, then?  I think it’s just called lust.  And we lust after the wrong guys way too often.  Good guys know it.  They hate it. Good guys always ask me “why? Why do girls love a**holes so much?”  I just can’t explain it adequately enough.  But I can try. 

I heard a saying once…chase the guys that want you, not the guys you want. This makes sense to me.  It makes perfect sense.  But I just can’t bring myself to follow through with it.  I want the guys that I want, not the ones that want me.  The guys that want me are left in the dust because I’m busy wasting my times on the ones that are treating me like sh*t.  “The spark” is a crutch we use, I think.  I think we use it as an excuse to make it okay to date a**holes.  Why do we love a**holes so much? I will never figure it out.  I saw Perks of Being a Wallflower recently (by American novelist Stephen Chbosky), and he says “we accept the love we think we deserve”.  It’s unfortunate how true this is. 

Most of the “hot” girls you know have pretty low self-esteem at the end of the day.  Everyone has insecurities.  Everyone feels certain ways about themselves and we like people that make us feel the way we already feel about ourselves.  Worthless, maybe?  Pathetic?  Sad?  We put ourselves in situations that make us achieve certain feelings/thoughts.  It’s sad.  It’s depressing.  But I think it’s true.  In a way we do it without knowing, until we realize we are doing it.  Then we do it knowingly.  We can try to change, but it’s hard.  There’s that old “spark” thing that makes us feel like that’s what we are chasing.  Everyone is chasing it.  Maybe you can feel it with the right people.  I’ve seen it before.  I have felt it.  We justify putting up with bullsh*t for “the spark”.  That doesn’t make it right. 

In “He’s Just Not That Into You”, Justin Long’s character, Alex, goes on a rant about “the spark”:

“Guys invented the “spark” so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they’re throwing at you is actually, just a “spark”. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.”

When I first heard this, I almost sh*t my pants because of how true it might be.  It made me start to hate “the spark”, but that could never happen; I love it too much…

Just remember kids, if you play with fire, you’re most likely going to get burned.  Or as my friend says, being swept off your feet usually leaves you on your ass. 

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2 Responses to “The Spark”

  1. santhya February 28, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

    Oh hay oh hay the god damn spark!
    Ok well i believe that the spark is actually a similarity we see in the men who has been around us while growing up. every time i find a man with the “spark” i realize later on that he has similarities like my father. My dad is awesome but you don’t wanna get him mad So last time I had the “spark” i realized like my mom said “fuck the chemistry u feel” aka “spark”. so i actually questioned him on our first time hanging out ” do you have a bad temper sometimes?” and he said “yes” fuck i knew it every time i get the spark they end up having a temper problem and thats been all my boyfriends as well so arrrgghhh!!
    And the females who’s had dads who are super sweet not saying my dad wasn’t, but a dad who was always sweet there for you, never yelled at them and treated their mom really good always pick the nice guys and when they come to me the nice guys i push away because ‘they don’t have the spark, and you know what thats why I’m just staying away from all the guys right now cause i know the spark will get me in trouble i guess I’m a little edgy lol and the ones without the spark is going to make me die of boredom.

    • Daily Rants with the Bitch Next Door March 3, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

      That is so very unfortunately true. We do go after men who have traits that our fathers had; the good, the bad, the ugly. We also attract what we exude. If I remember correctly, you have a little temper too miss. ha ha just like I tend to go after men who are withdrawn because that’s how I usually am. The thing is, we have to change things about ourselves to find a person who deserves us and who we deserve. The trick is making our hearts believe that we want the good guys when they come along…

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