50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

28 Feb

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So I was watching another true crime show…(I know, I know, not another one!) and it got me thinking.  It was called “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” and it was several different stories about non-traditional ways women have left their men. 

One story was about a stripper who stabbed the woman her husband was cheating on her with, with an ice pick (after she stabbed her husband in the face with a pair of scissors!).  Did I mention the woman she stabbed was pregnant…? With her husband’s child!?  I know it’s hard to keep up, but the woman was asked to carry a child for the married couple because the wife couldn’t have children anymore.  It was a sticky situation.  Needless to say, it ended badly. 

Another story was about a man who was cheating on his wife and had four other girlfriends.  They all found out about each other.  One woman asked the man to meet her in a hotel room, and when he got there, she tied him to the bedpost and blindfolded him after he stripped down.  Lying in bed in his boxers, blindfolded, he was aroused and excited.  Unfortunately for him, the other women all came into the room and they put him on blast and basically b*tched at him for being such a snake.  Before they left, one woman glued his penis to his stomach.  That’s one way to teach a man a lesson, I guess.  Ouch!  How embarrassing!  He was taken to the hospital where Doctor’s removed his…err..member from his stomach.  He left with a little more than a bruised ego; he claimed erectile dysfunction after the incident. 

These stories got me to thinking…maybe I’ve been a little too nice all these years.  Ever notice how men call us “psychotic”, “irrational”, “bat sh*t crazy”, after we break up?  I think I’ve been pretty damn normal this whole time.  But they always refer to us as “my crazy ex-girlfriend….”

Okay, so maybe we are a little crazy.  But those stories made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself.  Sure, maybe I’ve thought about stabbing an ex-lover in the leg, but I’ve never actually done it.  Maybe I’ve cursed off a few men, but I’ve never killed someone, or rammed my car into theirs because they were trying to leave me.  I’ve never stabbed someone in the face with a pair of scissors.  So call me crazy, but I think they could have gotten off a hell of a lot worse. 

The moral of the story:

Men, maybe you should stop throwing the word “crazy” around so carelessly.  One day, you might wind up with a woman who actually is crazy.  (And no, that’s not a threat.)

::Side note: No men were harmed in the construction of this blog post::

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4 Responses to “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”

  1. Santhya February 28, 2013 at 3:13 am #

    Lmao ahaha these dudes.deff have to.stop calling us crazy when we never glued their dick to their stomach lol but wat a creative way to say fuck you!

  2. Mooselicker February 28, 2013 at 3:16 am #

    I’ve heard the penis gluing thing happens quite a bit. I’ve always been incredibly nice to my exes and although they were very “psychotic” with their behavior afterwards it’s not like I ever cheated or betrayed them so maybe that’s why we can live side by side. I always knew they were nutty though which is why I loved them in the first place.

  3. grace February 28, 2013 at 3:40 am #

    “(And no, that’s not a threat.)”

  4. andy1076 February 28, 2013 at 3:58 am #

    A lot of those are actually based on real facts from stuff I read even on paper lol! crazier is that husband who cheated on his wife and he cut off his um member and tossed it into the freeway *Cringe*

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