If He Can’t Have You…No One Will!

17 Feb

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What is this notion that people have, male or female, that makes them believe this?  “If I can’t have you…no one will!”  Some people take it a little too far, as we have all seen on true crime shows.  But no matter how drastic, whether it’s a little or a lot, it’s always wrong.  The feeling though, is completely natural. 

It’s normal to not want someone who was once your mate to move on if you are still invested in them, but it’s not right to voice that out loud and make them feel guilty or bad about moving on.  It doesn’t really matter who ended the relationship.  What matters is that it’s over.  I’ve noticed that people tend to try to keep previous lovers hostage a little bit.  They’ll do anything to keep you from moving on, whether they want to be with you or not.

 I’ve known quite a few people who have even had previous lovers threaten suicide.  As drastic as it is, it’s not uncommon.  That’s what’s scary about it.  Even if someone broke up with you, they don’t want to fully let you go.  It’s the old concept of hanging on; clinging on to something that once was wonderful. 

The age old question whether you should stay friends or not has a lot to do with each specific situation, but in most cases, I’d say just cut your losses and move on.  Keep it civil, of course, but staying in touch just complicates things and holds both of you back from moving forward.  You end up stuck in a constant rut, battling your feelings and whether or not you should be together or not.  You have to ask yourself over and over again if breaking up was a mistake.  It clearly wasn’t if it wound up that way.  The only mistake you’ve both made is keeping in touch.  You’ll never move on this way.  Dragging out the process just makes it harder on both of you. 

As sad as it is, remember what you once had and let it go.  You can always do just that when you miss them; remember.

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2 Responses to “If He Can’t Have You…No One Will!”

  1. grace February 17, 2013 at 5:52 pm #

    It is so true. I remember my friends when we were young saying things like, “I can move on, but HE/SHE can’t! ” If someone is giving you a hard time about ending things, then they were probably giving you a hard time about a lot of things while you were together.

  2. crankycaregiver February 17, 2013 at 6:06 pm #

    I have been married multiple times and been in many relationships that ended. And, if any woman wants one of those men, I say “Take them!”

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