In the Name of Love…To Forgive or Not to Forgive?

6 Feb



We all know it- love is what makes the world go round.  Practically every story is based on love or incorporates it in some way.  I’ve been looking for it with my eyes at least half open since I knew about the birds and the bees.  I like to think that real love exists.  I’ve thought that I had found it.  I know I did.  I think?  How can you be certain?  Do you just know it?  Do you just feel it?  I have felt it.  I know that I have.  I just wonder about certain things in this area.

There’s obviously a huge divide between love and lust.  Sometimes we confuse them or don’t recognize the difference.  Lust, to me, is when you practically drool looking at the individual, imagining him or her naked, but the conversation is dull or non-existent.  Love is when the two are equal or as close to it as you have found (so far).  You have a strong mental connection and physical attraction as well.  You connect on all levels and care deeply for one another. 

But do we only have one soul mate? Or do we have several?  Hundreds?  Do we have different soul mates for different times in our lives?  I know someone who was perfect for me three years ago would be far from it today.  But that’s because I was in a different place in my life three years ago.  We are constantly changing, and therefore so are our wants and needs.  We prefer different qualities and traits at different stages in our lives. 

Now I pose an uglier question…a question that might make you question your own relationship.  A question that some people might not like.  Just because you believe someone is the great love of your life, does it mean that you should forgive them?  Should you forgive them for something you wouldn’t forgive someone else for?  If a man hit you, would you forgive him, because you loved him?  Maybe that’s too extreme.  What if he cheated on you?  What if he called you a bitch?  Would you stand for it?  I say no.  Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you should forgive them for causing you pain, or for doing something that in any other situation would be deemed unforgivable. 

It makes me sad that so many people settle for someone who obviously isn’t right for them.  Someone who doesn’t deserve them.  I’ve seen so many women in abusive relationships and I just ask them why?  Why do you put up with it?  Why do you stay?  Why do you let someone talk to you like that, or treat you that way?  “Because I love him..”   I hate to say it…but if he loved you he wouldn’t treat you that way.  And if he does love you and still treats you like sh%t, leave.  Walk away.

I thought a relationship was meant to be equal.  No one person loved the other more.  No one person put in more effort than the other.  No one person was faithful while the other was not.  No one person was loyal while the other was not.  No one person was strong while the other was not.  Two broken people don’t make one strong person when joined at the hip.  It makes for a messy relationship. 




I believe you need to be certain of who you are before you can be certain of who you are looking for.


One Response to “In the Name of Love…To Forgive or Not to Forgive?”

  1. grantsrogers February 7, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    Lust is not love Fear is not love Keeping people all to yourself is not love Expecting something from someone is not love

    Real, true love is unconditional. All other “kinds” of love are not really love. Most parents and kids don’t love each other, most people in relationships don’t love each other, most people on the planet never experience unconditional love in their entire lives… or at least it sure looks that way. I know without a doubt I have. It’s magical!!

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