Shoulda’ Had a V8! Why Does Winter Make Us Fat?

4 Feb

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Okay…I know…it’s Winter.  Brrr!  I’ve been using it as an excuse to eat donuts every time someone brings them to work.  I’ve been eating a lot of ice cream to compensate for the freezing temperature and stuffing my face with cakes, cookies and anything sweet or fattening I can get my chubby little hands on.  That, or I’m overeating to store fat for the winter because I tend to hibernate during this chilly, depressing season.

I hardly go out in public during these months.  These are the top ten reasons why:

  1.  Going out involves me getting dressed.  A lot.  As much as I love hats, scarves, boots and other Winter accessories, it doesn’t mean I want to put them on ten times a day.  It takes a lot of effort and quite frankly,

 

  1. I’m lazy during the Winter.  Think of me as a really fat bear that is hibernating and doesn’t want to be bothered.  (I’m sorry I’m a bad friend during this time, I swear it will be different in the Summer.  It’s me, not you.)

 

  1. It’s f$%king FREEZING, are you serious?   I don’t particularly feel like getting frostbite.

 

  1. I don’t want to slip on black ice and bust my a$$.  (gets me every year…damn you black ice…)

 

  1. I weigh 100 pounds…I’m always cold.  So when its seven degrees outside…you get the picture.  I shake like a wet dog that just fell into a freezing lake. 

 

  1. I’d rather sit inside and watch true crime shows. (Scorned: Love Kills is the sh%t!)

 

  1. I feel permanently bloated during the Winter, which doesn’t make me feel cute. 

 

  1. There’s constantly 50% of snow, and my tires are bald.

 

  1. I’m busy ( Wink, wink)  

 

  1. I just don’t feel like it! Respect my authority.

 

P.s—my brother’s on a diet.  He got a juicer.  At first, I thought it was disgusting.  But Carrot-Apple is the most refreshing drink I’ve ever had.  If you want to lose weight, get a juicer!!!!  Cucumbers are refreshing.  Carrots actually taste really good with Apples. And you can try all sorts of combinations.  The energy you get after you drink it is unreal. 

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3 Responses to “Shoulda’ Had a V8! Why Does Winter Make Us Fat?”

  1. TheDisfigured February 4, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

    I love how everything is number ONE.

    Winter sucks.

  2. Santhya February 5, 2013 at 4:52 am #

    Juicers are the best I juice right after the gym or when im hungober : beets,cucumber,kale,ginger&pineapple sounds nasty but really fucking good!

    • Daily Rants with the Bitch Next Door February 5, 2013 at 4:55 am #

      I’m not a fan of the beets, but the rest sounds good. Cucumbers are so hydrating and they make so much juice! Juicing after a hangover = brilliant…. ha ha

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