Archive | February, 2013

The Spark

28 Feb

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We’ve all heard of it.  We all hope for it.  We all love it.  We need it.  We live for it.  That little old thing called “the spark”.  You only feel it with the right guys, right?  Wrong!  I’ve come to conclusion that “the spark” is mostly only felt with the wrong guys.  I’ve felt it with (extremely hot) guys who were such a**holes that I used “the spark” as a means to forgive them every time they did something wrong (which was often).  This led to a lot of heart ache, sadness, wasted time and regrets.  I convinced myself that the guy must be right for me because I got that…that feeling…when I was with them.  What is that feeling, then?  I think it’s just called lust.  And we lust after the wrong guys way too often.  Good guys know it.  They hate it. Good guys always ask me “why? Why do girls love a**holes so much?”  I just can’t explain it adequately enough.  But I can try. 

I heard a saying once…chase the guys that want you, not the guys you want. This makes sense to me.  It makes perfect sense.  But I just can’t bring myself to follow through with it.  I want the guys that I want, not the ones that want me.  The guys that want me are left in the dust because I’m busy wasting my times on the ones that are treating me like sh*t.  “The spark” is a crutch we use, I think.  I think we use it as an excuse to make it okay to date a**holes.  Why do we love a**holes so much? I will never figure it out.  I saw Perks of Being a Wallflower recently (by American novelist Stephen Chbosky), and he says “we accept the love we think we deserve”.  It’s unfortunate how true this is. 

Most of the “hot” girls you know have pretty low self-esteem at the end of the day.  Everyone has insecurities.  Everyone feels certain ways about themselves and we like people that make us feel the way we already feel about ourselves.  Worthless, maybe?  Pathetic?  Sad?  We put ourselves in situations that make us achieve certain feelings/thoughts.  It’s sad.  It’s depressing.  But I think it’s true.  In a way we do it without knowing, until we realize we are doing it.  Then we do it knowingly.  We can try to change, but it’s hard.  There’s that old “spark” thing that makes us feel like that’s what we are chasing.  Everyone is chasing it.  Maybe you can feel it with the right people.  I’ve seen it before.  I have felt it.  We justify putting up with bullsh*t for “the spark”.  That doesn’t make it right. 

In “He’s Just Not That Into You”, Justin Long’s character, Alex, goes on a rant about “the spark”:

“Guys invented the “spark” so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they’re throwing at you is actually, just a “spark”. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.”

When I first heard this, I almost sh*t my pants because of how true it might be.  It made me start to hate “the spark”, but that could never happen; I love it too much…

Just remember kids, if you play with fire, you’re most likely going to get burned.  Or as my friend says, being swept off your feet usually leaves you on your ass. 

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50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

28 Feb

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So I was watching another true crime show…(I know, I know, not another one!) and it got me thinking.  It was called “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” and it was several different stories about non-traditional ways women have left their men. 

One story was about a stripper who stabbed the woman her husband was cheating on her with, with an ice pick (after she stabbed her husband in the face with a pair of scissors!).  Did I mention the woman she stabbed was pregnant…? With her husband’s child!?  I know it’s hard to keep up, but the woman was asked to carry a child for the married couple because the wife couldn’t have children anymore.  It was a sticky situation.  Needless to say, it ended badly. 

Another story was about a man who was cheating on his wife and had four other girlfriends.  They all found out about each other.  One woman asked the man to meet her in a hotel room, and when he got there, she tied him to the bedpost and blindfolded him after he stripped down.  Lying in bed in his boxers, blindfolded, he was aroused and excited.  Unfortunately for him, the other women all came into the room and they put him on blast and basically b*tched at him for being such a snake.  Before they left, one woman glued his penis to his stomach.  That’s one way to teach a man a lesson, I guess.  Ouch!  How embarrassing!  He was taken to the hospital where Doctor’s removed his…err..member from his stomach.  He left with a little more than a bruised ego; he claimed erectile dysfunction after the incident. 

These stories got me to thinking…maybe I’ve been a little too nice all these years.  Ever notice how men call us “psychotic”, “irrational”, “bat sh*t crazy”, after we break up?  I think I’ve been pretty damn normal this whole time.  But they always refer to us as “my crazy ex-girlfriend….”

Okay, so maybe we are a little crazy.  But those stories made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself.  Sure, maybe I’ve thought about stabbing an ex-lover in the leg, but I’ve never actually done it.  Maybe I’ve cursed off a few men, but I’ve never killed someone, or rammed my car into theirs because they were trying to leave me.  I’ve never stabbed someone in the face with a pair of scissors.  So call me crazy, but I think they could have gotten off a hell of a lot worse. 

The moral of the story:

Men, maybe you should stop throwing the word “crazy” around so carelessly.  One day, you might wind up with a woman who actually is crazy.  (And no, that’s not a threat.)

::Side note: No men were harmed in the construction of this blog post::

I was Nominated for the Sunshine Award…

25 Feb

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I was nominated for the sunshine award from ‘ImThatKay: Casual, Possibly Non-sensical Ramblings’.  I’m honored she nominated me, particularly because I respect her writing and first found her when I read a piece that really moved me.
 
10 Nominations from me for blogs that have caught my eye:
  • What inspired you to start blogging?

Since I started going back to school, I decided I wouldn’t write another lengthy piece of fiction until I graduated because I wouldn’t have the time to dedicate to it, so I started a blog instead.  It was a good way to keep me writing on a daily basis, and I wanted to write things that people could write and relate to.  It’s like a public journal and that was appealing to me. 

  • How did you come up with the name for your blog?

I came up with the name one day while I was sitting at the park on a sheet.  I started ranting about all the things in life that pissed me off.  When I decided to start the blog, I knew that name would be perfect for it, since my blog is basically just me ranting about things I feel strongly about. 

  • What is your favorite blog that you like to read?

I like to read of fries and men.  I love the name and her point of view.

  • Tell about your dream job.

To write and get paid for it.  Doing what you love and getting paid for it is a dream. 

  • Is your glass half full or half empty?

Depends when you ask, but usually, it’s half full. 

  • If you could go anywhere for a week’s vacation, where would you go?

Paris.

  • What food can you absolutely not eat?

Seafood. Even the smell makes me start dry heaving in a corner.

Milk chocolate.  I HATE dark chocolate with a firey passion.

  • How much time do you spend blogging – in other words, are you one of those lucky people who can dash off a blog post in no time, or like me and take forever on one post to get it just right?

I don’t spend that much time blogging.  Today was the longest it ever took me to write a post.  I usually just write whatever comes to my mind and I’m done within fifteen minutes.

  • Do you watch tv – if so, what are some of your favorite shows?

Sons of Anarchy, Suits, Face-off and Project Runway.  I don’t watch much tv, but the shows I do watch are amazing and I always get sad when their season comes to an end (especially sons).

Friend or Foe? Modern Tales of Woe

23 Feb

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For starters, if you have to ask…it’s probably not a real friend.  I’ve heard more stories than I can count; Modern tales of woe of bad friendships and people sucking in general.  Why do some people suck so bad?  Is it genetics?  Were their parents bad friends and did they suck pretty bad too?  I can’t help but wonder.  A lot.

The number one rule (that is ignored by a lot of people) not only in friendship but in life is to treat other people how you would want to be treated.  Don’t be an a**hole, basically.  Why is that so hard for some people?  It’s pretty easy to not talk sh*t about other people, especially people that are your friends, or your friends’ friends.  Personally, I think people talk sh*t about other people that they’re jealous of or that they wish they were friends with or because they’ve grown up thinking it was cool to talk sh*t about other people.  News flash: It’s not! It makes you look like an a**hole.  If you don’t have anything better to say, that’s sad.  Read a book.  Get a life.  Talk about something interesting. 

The second rule in (my) life is to curse off people that are a**holes.  At least, that’s what I thought for a while.  Maybe that didn’t make me any better than them to begin with.  I just felt like…someone should tell people when they’re being an a**hole so maybe they could stop and not have as many people hate them.  I realized telling people off won’t make them change.  It will just usually turn them into a bigger a**hole, and make me one too for trying to make them realize they’re being whack.

I never believed in starting trouble for no reason.  And I used to believe in hitting people and cursing them off to make them realize they’re wrong, but as I get older I realize a simple “f@$! you!” does the trick.  Joking.  Kind of.  No, I don’t believe in fighting anymore, not unless a person really deserves it (example: they murdered someone you love).  But I still believe you should put someone in their place when they say rude sh*t.   If no one does, they might never learn. 

Maybe they were brought up to think a certain way that you and I don’t.  Maybe someone just needs to point out the simple fact that they’re being an obnoxious a**hole.  We are all here to learn lessons and grow as people.  You can’t grow without change and without realizing certain faults you have.  We all have faults.  We all make mistakes.  The important thing is learning from them and becoming a better person from that experience. 

The saddest friendships to me are the ones where two people are “friends” but they don’t even like each other.  If you secretly hate your friend, why do you talk to them?  If they’re an a**hole, let them know.  If you’re an a**hole, stop being one.  If you’re just too different than someone than you once were, there is no law saying you have to stay friends with someone. 

I believe in loyalty, but not in a situation like this.  You don’t have to remain loyal to someone you dislike, or someone who puts you down or treats you like sh*t.  Don’t’ feel guilty.  Chances are you’ve both changed.  Unless the problem is that they’ve never changed. I’m sure they’ll understand.  And if they don’t, who cares? You don’t have to cut them out of your life completely, unless of course…you want to. 

Crazy: The Good Vs. The Bad

21 Feb

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I was recently told that I should seek psychiatric help and look into anger management.  This is probably true.  I do have a temper, and I also have a very active imagination and I tend to over-analyze things until they’re so far picked apart that I don’t even know how to assemble my own thoughts back together to get to a solid solution.  I’m not sure if this is insanity, curiosity or a little bit of both.   Either way, I’m okay with it.  I’ve accepted it.  Actually, I’ve embraced it.   

I’ve always known I was a bit crazy.  But I think there are two kinds of crazy; the good and the bad kind.  The good crazy is what I like to think of myself as.  Good crazies are a little hyper, maybe, sarcastic perhaps, maybe they say things that sound a little nuts but it makes you laugh.  Maybe they do odd things but they aren’t harmful.  If anything, they’re amusing.  That to me is the good kind.  It keeps things interesting. 

The bad crazies are…well…dangerous.  They’ll stalk you, steal your identity, copy you, slap you, shoot you, stab you, maybe kill you.  Bad crazies want to be you, want to hurt you, want to tell lies about you or just annoy the sh*t out of you.  Bad crazies can be delusional, self-centered, psychotic, evil or just plain weird but in a scary way.  That’s the bad kind.

Let’s be sure to be able to differentiate the two.  Steer clear of the bad crazies unless of course, you’re a little psychotic, too.  Crazy people need friends too.  And shy away from the good crazies if you prefer dull company.   Kidding.  Who’s to say what’s boring or normal, anymore?  Not me.  I’m convinced everyone’s at least a little crazy. 

Anyway, I got into an argument with a friend who said my problem is that I think I’m right all the time. But I think the important thing is being able to admit when you’re wrong.   And doesn’t everyone think they’re right all the time? 

My response?  I can’t help it if other people are usually wrong…

(Maybe I should call that shrink today.)

Knowing When to Shut the F$%! Up

21 Feb

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Got a bad case of the foot-in-mouth syndrome?  Don’t know when to stop running your mouth?   Or do you just know a million people like this?  Because I do. 

I work with all women, aged anywhere from 20-70 years old.  Working in this type of environment I assumed would be better than working somewhere where I’d be surrounded by a bunch of young, gossipy girls.  I was wrong.  So many women have come and gone from this place, and I have learned a hard truth about women that I hate to admit.  Some women never grow up.  They never stop gossiping.  It’s this sh*t that gives good women everywhere a bad reputation.  

I think we’ve all heard (or been told) that we “love drama”.  As much as I dispute this claim, I can’t anymore.  Because I’ve learned that most women do.  Some women can turn the smallest incident into a huge outlandish ordeal that everyone needs to hear about.  On behalf of chill people everywhere, shut the f@$! up! Please be quiet!  I can’t take it anymore!

Is there a vaccination for this sort of thing?  If not, can I please get together with a select team of doctors and scientists that specialize in different fields and try to invent it?  I’ve actually met women that are so outrageous when it comes to gossiping and thriving on drama and “stirring the pot” that I’ve wondered if their name was even true.  I wondered if my name was my real name!  My head spins thinking about women like this. 

I mean sure, yes, we all have drama in our lives, whether we want to or not.  Sh*t happens.  That’s a part of life.  But searching for it under couch cushions and shopping for it in the supermarket is just absurd.  At some point, every 14 year old girl is supposed to stop, realize she is being silly and dramatic and grow up.  I thought older women were wiser, more mature, and far gone from this stage in their lives, but the truth?  I’ve witnessed that it’s not always the case. 

I have met some very wise women, at all ages.  I’ve met remarkable women who had a lot of interesting things to say.  Hell, I’ve met 16 year olds that were more smart and mature than some 50 year olds I’ve known.  It dawned on me that this whole “with age comes wisdom” thing is not always true.  I hope it will be for me.  But like I’ve said before and I’ll say it again.  Some people never change, but I believe that it is possible.

Life is all about choices.  Choose to change.  Choose to only talk about positive things.  We all complain sometimes, venting to a friend is normal and completely acceptable.  Making things up, lying compulsively, talking sh*t, and being petty is not acceptable.  Sorry. 

Grow up already.  And on behalf of men everywhere who can’t stand the sound of our voices because of women like you who all you do is b*tch about things, and on behalf of smart women everywhere that have more to talk about than other people, shut the f#$% up!!!

 

Once the War Has Been Waged

18 Feb

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It’s funny when a relationship ends sometimes the other person can become a complete stranger. They become insensitive, cruel, vindictive, immature or just plain mean.  You see sides to a person that you loved that you never even knew existed. 

It almost makes you grateful that the relationship ended in the first place.  It’s better to see this side of them sooner than later.  Imagine if you married them and it was ‘til death do you part. 

Some say people never change, but I think they do.  People change; sometimes it’s for the best and sometimes it’s for the worst.  You can’t control them, though.  You can’t force someone to change.  I feel like people often make the mistake of thinking they can change someone and mold them into the person they want them to be.  It’s not true.  A leopard can’t change it’s spots. 

During a fight or a break up or an incident where the other person isn’t getting their way, you see true character.  Remember that when you think they were the right person for you.   Remember that side of them when they want to get back together.  Know your worth and know you’re worth more than being treated unfairly.  Hold on to yourself and don’t let them get the best of you.  Be the one to walk away with dignity.